Dear EFAP: My old college flame recently moved to town

Feb 22, 2018 | News

Thank you to those who have written to “dear efap” for input on your dilemmas. As you are aware, we read every inquiry that comes in but we are only able to print a small selection of responses. Our “pithy” answers are modeled after the lighter hearted Dear Abby style and are grounded in common sense. If your issues require a more personalized level of support please call Employee Wellness/EFAP (1-800-505-4929) and we can confidentially book you a counselling appointment with a senior level therapist.

We welcome all inquiries – please submit these to dear.efap@efap.ca. All printed responses use the anonymous descriptor that you sign your inquiry with and do not reveal any identifying information. Our goal is to support you through insight and common sense.

Below is our response to the next selection – enjoy!

My old college flame recently moved to town. He is now single. In college we were a bit of an item and he unceremoniously dumped me. I was mad about him and heartbroken when he ended it back then. Truth be told, I probably never really got over it, or over him. I am single and I want to reach out to him and get together. What do you think?
- Am I Playing With Fire?

Dear Am I Playing With Fire?
Yes, I actually think that you are playing with fire here. I get that this guy was the true love that got away and that now you are both free you’d like to try it again, but I worry a bit about a reconnection. This guy broke your heart once and I’m just a bit concerned this time round he might just do it again.

The other way to look at it of course is to consider that back then he was young (and maybe foolish) in college, and since then may have grown up a bit, and so might well be up for another go at a relationship between the two of you. I would say for sure connect, but please proceed with caution. I would encourage you not to lay all of your cards on the table on the first meeting. Instead proceed slowly and respectfully. You need to figure out who this man is now, and not rely on your rose-tinted yesteryear view of him. A lot can happen.

It is exciting to rekindle the past, but as I said, and you duly wondered, it is a bit like playing with fire. So my friend, do be careful not to get burned.

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The advice offered in this column is meant to be used as general guidance based on the facts provided. The opinions or views expressed should not be relied on as treatment or counselling services. If you are a PHC staff member and find yourself in need of counselling or support, please contact Employee Wellness/EFAP toll free at 1-800-505-4929 or 604-872-4929, your family doctor, or another appropriately trained and qualified specialist.

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